So, yeah. Another sappy update.

As you may or may not be aware, my ex girlfriend, the love of my life has broken up with me. This is a situation that I am not capable of handling, it is also the most painful thing I have ever experienced and it shows no signs of going away any time soon.

So in an attempt to remedy the situation, I've deleted her from pretty much everywhere where I might be reminded of her. That is my Facebook account, msn messenger, my phone contacts and various online communitys. There is no telling if this will work or not, but I guess time will tell. At least, for now, she only exists in my memories and thoughts, of which there will still be plenty.

I did this because I can't handle the thought of her being with someone else, and she already is, so as soon as I see her or a picture of her, I just keep remembering the good times we had, the good times I looked forward to and what hopes I had for the future. All of them being destroyed, since I know that she's experiencing the same thing, but with someone else. It has been about a month since she broke up with me, and I have been absolutely devastated, and I still am. I love her so god damned much it isn't even possible to put into words. And if you've ever felt that kind of love for someone, you know what I'm talking about. To have someone you love that much telling you that she doesn't want to be with you is so excrutiatingly painful it's hard to describe. This is how it is for me right know, while at the same time knowing that she has already moved on, spending time and enjoying herself with other people already. The fact that she's already doing all these things makes me feel incredibly worthless, like I never mattered at all to her. Which does seem to be the case, at least judging from her behaviour to me. So while I'm sitting here, alone and crying myself to sleep almost every single night, she's off seeing other guys, which again, makes me feel like I never meant anything at all. She claims she loves me, but still does things like that? That doesn't make sense to me at all, and just contributes to my feelings of worthlessness.

So what I'm doing now is trying to accept the fact that the love of my life doesn't want to be with me. I'm getting that, but I can't accept it, since I still believe that she has feelings for me somewhere. I still hold to my claim that it is her god damned job that ruined everything, since she couldn't handle that and a long distance relationship at the same time. And to top that off, today I find out that she will be getting a new job that won't be as stressful, why couldn't that have happened a couple of months ago? If it had, we would probably still be together, but, nope, I can't get that.. I don't deserve happiness I guess.

Anyway, I'm trying to imagine my future without her, which is almost even more depressing than how things are now. Basically, I will be alone, because I probably won't ever be able to love again. Because the only person I have that kind of love for doesn't want to be with me at all. So I'll be alone and miserable, while she will probably be with some guy who doesn't love her as much as I do, because I doubt that's possible. Regardless, she has already moved on, and there is no reason to believe that she won't find someone new, since she already has.

I really don't know what to say... I'm miserable, and there is no chance of coming out of it at all. If I'm still alive, I'll see you next time. If not, you'll know what happened.


And lastly, if my ex reads this... Know that I love you with all my being. You are the most important thing that has ever happened to me, and I just wish you would get your head toegether and realise that you still have feelings for me, because I know that you do. I would have given up everything for you, if only I had been given the chance, and I still would.

I truly love you.

Oh, the woes of man.

So, if you read my last sappy post, you might have figured out that I am once again single. My girlfriend, or rather my ex, dumped me. So naturally I've been all moody, sluggish, sad, heartbroken and what have you. There's nothing I can do to fix it, so there's no point in moping about it, even if I will undoubtedly do that anyway, because I just can't help how I feel.

Anyway, with that little unpleasantry out of the way, I thought I'd share with you the journey I made back to the wonderful world of Linux-based operating systems. It all started with me getting World of Warcraft: Cataclysm home after having it on pre-order for a good while, and I was of course happy about that, since I was looking forward to once more enter the world of Azeroth. So I get the game home, unwrap it, start installing and I figured that I could just register the game on my Battle.net account so that would be done for when installation was. And here's where my problems started, my password wasn't working, and I'm pretty damned sure that it's the right one. So I started suspecting that my account may have been hacked, but went through the password reset process first. So far, so good, everything seemed to be working fine. I had gotten access to my account and I could easily add my new expansion to my games. During this time, the game had finished installing so I happily clicked on the big, fat play button and watch the gorgeous introduction cinematic. Alright, time to log in, I type in my email and new password, and to my surprise I can't log in. It gave me a link which I clicked and it took me to a page that said I was banned! Permanently banned even. So I've had to go through their whole account retrieval process, which involves me sending a picture of my ID-card and whole lot of e-mailing back and forth. Anyway, it turns out that my account has indeed been hacked and that I have been temporarily banned so as to stop anything else from happening. I will probably be getting a new Battle.net account with all my games transferred over from the one that got hacked. I've also gotten a mobile authenticator for my mobile phone so that this won't happen again, or at least greatly reduce the risk of it.

Simultaneously, I've been getting a lot of spam mail lately, so at some point I've probably gotten a trojan or keylogger of some sorts. My friends have been saying that I've been sending them strange e-mails (spam) and such, and I believe them because I've been getting them myself, from myself. Along with a bunch of others from said friends, who had probably been 'infected' by me in the first place. Obviously I'm not the one sending them out, and my free anti-virus software (AVG) couldn't do anything about it either. So I've had it like that for a good while now, just not bothered with it. But as someone has probably hacked both my email and Battle.net account, I figured it was time for a change, so I'm going to stop using Hotmail, and start using gmail instead. And on top of that, I've decided that it was time to reformat my PC, something I've been considering doing for a while now because of all that trojan/logger/spam shizzle, and general sluggishness. So what better time than the present, right? Right, so at first I was just going to use Windows 7 again, but I couldn't find my disc for that, so I thought that what the hell, Ubuntu is free, easy to get and supposedly faster and more reliable. So I figured that I might give Ubuntu (Linux) one more chance, because I've used it many times in the past, but it's been a damned long time since the last time now, and a lot has changed it seems. First of all, everything is so god damned simplified, which is usually a bad sign, I think. But in this case, it's simple and it actually works too! Right out of the box, something that has happened to me very rarely with Linux-based systems. On top of all that glorious awesomeness, it seems like there's been a lot of progress when it comes to running games intended for Windows on Linux. I've seen numerous videos and articles explaining that World of Warcraft works perfectly in Linux these days. Of course, it doesn't apply to everyone, but it's enough to give me hope of me never having to use a Windows system again. Which would be fantastic, to say the least. Because games, and specifically that one game is about the only major thing that has drawn me back to Windows in the past, so here's hoping!

Installing Ubuntu 10.10 worked like a charm, and I've spent a good amount of time setting everything up just the way I like it. Well, as best I can at least, there are some minor things that I'd like to change, like having a decent system monitor, changing the color of certain things and so on, nothing major. Anyway, here's a look at how lovely it looks for the time being.













(because everyone using Linux is totally a hacker extraordinaire)

I'll probably tweak it a whole lot, but for the time being, I'm happy with it :).

I dared dream of a better tomorrow.

I had a dream, a dream and hope that someday, at some point everything would work. I longed for the moment when we'd be together, now until forever. I really thought that all would be well, given enough time, and I devoted mine to you. I looked passed all the flaws, and I was patient, because I knew that with time, it would all be well in the end. I was willing to wait for you, and I did, longing for you every waking moment of my life. But instead you chose to end it all, because things got too close to being real, crushing me, my dreams, my hopes and my devotion along with it. Know that I would have given up my entire life for you, willingly. But instead, that which would have been given, now got taken away from me without a moments notice.

I still hope that someday, when you'll be willing to give me the same benefit of the doubt as I have given you, we'll be together.

I still love you, and I always will.

Oh look, I updated!

Hey, hello there. It's me, your number one choice for inactive bloggers. I haven't updated since E3, and it's because of the same reason as usual, I just haven't felt like it. It kind of defeats the entire purpose of a blog, doesn't it? I mean why have a blog if you very rarely feel like writing in it? Oh well, here I am anyway, and you better like it, or else.

I would love to be able to tell you that a lot of thing has happened since my last update, but that's simply not the case. Then again I guess I could awlays lie to you and make up some stuff, but I'm all for honesty, so that doesn't really work out for either of us. So as I said, not a whole lot has happened to me, it's been the usual drudgery of life, with a few twists here and there. For example, I'm broke as hell as you probably already know, so I've been more or less forced to apply for social welfare until such a time that I can stand on my own two feet and be self-sufficient. Which in turn requires me to feel better on a psychological level, since that's what's stopping me from having a job. One can only hope that it doesn't take as long as you'd think it does. But then again, I'm feeling pretty good right now, and I have been for the past few weeks, so here's hoping, eh?

Oh, on tuesday I'm going to the dentist to pull out a wisdom tooth out with jaw surgery, lovely. But aside from me being worried as hell about it, it's going to be such a relief to finally have that god damned tooth out. It's been broken for about 3 years now, and it's caused me immense pain every now and then, even if it's been fine most of the time. So while I hate the fact that I have to go to Malmö on a bus (which I hate so very, very much), be nervous as hell about the surgery, sit through the actual surgery with god knows what in my mouth and then take the hated bus back home again, it'll hopefully be worth it in the end. See, I'm optimistic! You know what I call that? Personal growth, hah!

While that's all fine and good, what about the games? Well, I love me some games, and recently I've been playing quite a lot of them, including Dead Rising 2, Fallout: New Vegas, Fable III and Assassin's Creed: Brotherhood. And I'm guessing I'll be playing World of Warcraft again pretty soon, what with the third expansion, Cataclysm, coming out.

I've had a lot of fun with all those games, but none more so than with AC: B, that is one hell of a game. It picks up literally the moment where Assassin's Creed II ends, just where Ezio Auditore has spoken to Minerva, whom in turn was speaking to Desmond. Awesome, right? Anyway, from there, we head back to the Monteriggioni Auditore family villa, where shit hits the fan and stuff happens (this is spoiler free, because I'm nice like that). Then we end up in Rome, which is under heavy control by the Templar Borgia family. So Rome, that place is huuuuuuuge, you might think that at a glance, just one city will be kind of boring and repetetive, but this is not case. The city is so big that it doesn't matter much, and you'll be traversing the outskirts of the city as well, so there's even some variety. On top of that, you can now ride horses inside the city, which should give you an idea of how big it actually is. But yeah, Ezio has to take down the Borgia family of course, and while doing so, uncover a lot of juicy secrets having to do with both the Templars and the Assassins. Oh, and guess who's back? Subject 16! So there's more fictional conspiracy goodness in here too, fun! Another addition they've made to the game is that you can now have your own little guild of Assassins at your disposal, which can either be sent out on missions around the world or be sent on to unsuspecting guards, which is an awesome thing to do. You can just be walking around, see a couple of guards, press a button and out of freaking nowhere comes your Assassins to "Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh!" the guards. Or in layman's terms, stab them to death. They can come from the rooftops, out of a haystack or on a god damned horse, or just simply run up to them. And they won't give up until their targets are dead either. It's a lot of fun to do, and it looks equally awesome every single time. In addition, the game has multiplayer, which is a first for the AC series. It's very different from what I'm used to, but it's also a lot of fun. The basics are pretty much that you have a target to kill, and at the same time you yourself are a target to someone else. So you're both hunter and prey, while trying to stealth your way to your target without them noticing, and at the same time trying to keep away from your hunter as well. It makes for a really interesting multiplayer experience. I could go on about it, but that's pretty much what the basics are, even if there are a few variations of it in the form of different modes. I've had a lot of fun with this game, even after completing it, being the filthy achievement whore that I am. I've gotten all the single player achievements, but of course the game had to have stupid multiplayer ones as well, oh how I hate them! But that's what I'm doing right now anyway, trying to get what mp achievements I can, and I'm enjoying it, so two for two, eh? So to summarize, a fantastic game that feels much like AC II did, but much improved. Highly recommended!

As I said, I've also played a bunch of Fallout: New Vegas, which I also had a ton of fun with. It feels pretty much like Fallout 3 did, but which a change of setting to, you guessed it, Las Vegas. Or rather, what used to be Las vegas, now called New Vegas. The game starts of with you, a simple courier, getting hunted down and shot in the head by someone who knows that what you're carrying is of great importance to the future of the Nevada wasteland. Of course you survive the horrific event, and from there you're set out on a quest to exact vengeance on the ones that shot you. Once that is done, you're flung into the main, big quest of the game, finding the Platinum Chip that you were carrying. You know, the thing of great importance? Once you have it, you're given the option to side with either of the game's four main factions. And the game and the quests you're given after that vary heavily based on your choices. The addition of factions is, to me, a rather annoying part, since once you've made your choice as to which faction to side with, the other factions who see your choice as an enemy will attack you on sight. And it will also make the quests of those enemy factions unavailable to you, so it feels like it shuts parts of the game off for you. Of course, you can always replay from the start or from a save from before you've made your decision and experiment with different quests and outcomes to the game. I had a lot of fun with it, but it isn't a game that I would necessarilly want to replay any time soon, not even for the achievements, which aren't particularly hard to get, but they're very time-consuming to attain. But it's still a really good game, despite it's technical flaws (of which there are plenty). As I said, it feels a lot like Fallout 3 did, so if you liked that, you'll probably get a good amount of enjoyment out of this one as well, which I did. Just not as much as I had with the previous game.

So Fable III, what to say? I had a good time playing through it, but there are so many annoyances along the way, and particularly in the final stretch of the game. Once you've gotten to teh end game it really rushes the game along, and it kind of feels like that was intentional, like they just didn't want to work on it anymore. Aside from that, they've made everything so damned easy, for lack of a better word. There's no start menu for example, instead, when you start it takes you to The Sanctuary, which is like a secret room for members of "the guild". But as you're the only one who knows about it, you have it all to yourself and your annoying butler, voiced by John Cleese. Anyway, in this room, you have access to all your stuff, settings, inventory, weapons, gifts, things for your dog, multiplayer and what have you. That's all fine and good really, but I'd much rather just have a menu like in Fable II. Another annoying thing about Fable III is that houses you buy deteriorate, so you'll constantly have to pay money to keep them in tip top shape, and when you have 50-60 houses or so, tha can get annoying. It's something that shouldn't have been there, as it's just a pointless waste of time, even if you can buy buisnesses, which don't require upkeep. It's just houses that do. Other than that, it's pretty much what you'd explect from a game in the Fable series, funny, quirky, fantasy, brittish as all hell and all that. As I said, I had good time playing through it, but there are so many little grievances that I just don't want to return to it any time soon, so while it is a good game, I think I'd have to say that it's probably the 'least good' out of the three Fable games that exists. Much to the game's ending parts, which I can't really talk about without spoiling. If you've played it, you know what I'm talking about, and if not, take this as a warning.

And last, but not least, I've played Dead Rising 2, which was a lot of fun too. You play as Chuck Greene, a worried father to Katey, who has been infected with the zombie virus and has to have Zombrex (a drug used to hold off said infection) every 24 hours. So he does what he can to get her some, and it doesn't come cheap. So Chuck participates in a gameshow, which has contestants ride bikes with mounted chainsaws on them in an arena filled with zombies, and whoever kills the most, the most satisfying way gets the prizemoney. The game starts of with such an event in a fictional Las Vegas like city, and here, shit really hits the fan. Stuff happens, zombies break out of their holding cells and out into the city, and of course Chuck is framed for this. And now the game really starts, the city is infested with zombies and you have to get your daughter Zombrex every day over a 3 day period of time. Of course things aren't as easy as that, there are zombies, psychopaths and other goodies in your way to getting out of there. The big addition to the second game in the franchise is the ability to combine weapons, which is a ton of fun to do. For example, take a chainsaw and a paddle and you get a Paddlesaw, a paddle with chainsaws mounted on each side, and it's a ton of fun to use. There are about 50-ish or so combinations of weapons and there are a good amount of hilarious ones. And along the way to the end of the game, you'll hunt down the ones who framed you, find out why and uncover a conspiracy of sorts, much like in the first game. It's a trip well worth taking, but it's also one that I wouldn't really want to take again any time soon. There's something to be said about the game's inherent difficulty level, which is much like the first game's. Only this time around you get three save slots instead of just the one, so it's always something, but there's still the whole thing of being on time all the time. Fail to be so, and you've lost parts of the game, it might be brutal that way, but it really isn't that hard to be on time if you're not just running around, messing about. And if you are, there's always the choice of replaying the game. So yeah, lots of zaaaambies, lots of psychos and lots of fun ways to kill either. It makes for a great game, but again, I didn't have as much fun as I did with the firs one. Maybe they're just too similar? I don't know, it's something.


So there you have it, that's pretty much what I've been up to since I last wrote in this godforsaken blog of mine (get it?). I'm doing good, all things considered, just nervous as all hell right now, but that will hopefully pass soon. Oh, and one more thing, it's December, the end of the year, which means that I'll have to make my top 10 list of games this year, which is exactly what I will do some time before the year ends. So the few of you who actually read this piece of crap can have something to look forward to, yay!

Until then, live long and prosper.