I tried and I failed.

So, this last Tuesday I decided to take the night train up to Gävle to see if me and my ex could work things through. We had talked online for a good many hours about it and decided to try it once more. So the week started out great, it was so good to see her again and I thought things could work out between us this time. She was happy, I was happy. The last two days though, not so much.. She basically said that she wanted me to go home and didn't want to be in a relationship with me anymore. I personally can't figure out what happened, but something must have, because people just don't up and change how they feel over night. So now I'm sitting here in Gävle, in her room, in complete silence... And I hate it. I feel like shit and I'm supposed to sit on a train home tomorrow. I feel like I'm going to throw up constantly. Like a huge boulder is in my stomach, dying to get out.

Anyway, I really thought it would work out this time, and I've changed for her.. But apparantly things "don't feel like they used to". She says there's nothing I can do about it and she doesn't want to be with me. Which isn't at all what I wanted. I really love her! Otherwise I wouldn't have taken a 10 hour train ride (I hate riding trains!) to see her. Before, I couldn't even do something simple as riding the bus with her (I hate riding buses as well). But this time, I went with her to her school, just to show her that I've changed.. That I'm willing to do things I wouldn't do before. I'd do anything for her, I really would.. But.. It's not like you can force someone to love you. But hey, at least I tried.

New site!

So, I've decided to make another site for showing off and trying to sell som of my photographic works. Since I'm broke as shit, I figured I might as well try, even if I doubt anything will ever come of it.

Anyway, here it is! Jopphotography. Check it!

My sincerest apologies.

To anyone I may have hurt in my last post. I was just really, really pissed off at the time and I wrote what was on my mind as it came to me. To anyone that might have taken it personally, please don't. I have nothing against any of you. If anything, I have something against myself, and I guess when it all comes down to it, I was really angry with myself. Not any of you.

Once again, my sincerest apologies.

Fucking fuck FUCK!

Why is it that NOTHING ever works out for me? What is wrong with me?! During this, another one of my sleepless nights, I started thinking about bitches. More precisely, the bitches I've loved over the years. So the first one I meet, lives like a kagillion fucking miles away, that should have been a sure sign that thing would never work out. But did that stop me? NOOOOOOO! So we were a couple for like 2-2,5 years and then she dumps me (what a shock, eh?) for this guy with his fancypants car and job and god knows what else. So... Why? What was so fucking wrong with me?!  I was under the impressions that love conquers all, but noooo, I'm not good enough or whatever the reason was! Fucking ass fuck ass!

On to the next lady, who I met through a fucking sexsite, we talked and got along real well. And then BAM! Turns out shes married and has two kids, so that's never going to work out, right? WRONG!!! We started seeing eachother, exchanging our bodily fluids with animalistic fervor, and so on. Then BAM! Again, the name she said was her name, isn't even her real name! Did that bring up any warning signs for me? HEEEEEELL to the no! So we were a couple for like 6 months (in other words, I was probably used as some summer plaything) and then I was dumped agaaaaaain, woooo!!! So now she's with this guy, presumably with some fancypants howdy doody job or whatever makes him more attractive than me. Aaaaaanyway, that sent me into another great depression that lasted almost as long as the last one. It was so funny to cry myself to sleep at night, feeling like a zombie during the days. Because, what was the point of anything, really.

Fast forward, I meet this other (substantially younger) girl trhough Skype.. We talk, get along, we meet... But hey, guess what? SHE LIVES FUCKING FURTHER AWAY THAN THE FIRST GIRL I MET!!! FUCK YEAH! Did it stop me? Heeeeell to the no! We were a couple for about 6 months, then I, being the fucktard that I am, decides that it would be best to break things off because of the distance between us.

So where does this leave me? Fucking ALONE! Yeah, great, wooo fucketty fuck fuck fuck!

I just don't fucking get women. What is it about me that is so fucking despicable that I turn everyone away? Is it because I don't have job? Is it because I don't have a car? Is it because I'm too serious? Is it because I don't like drinking my ass off every god damned weekend? All of these fucking trivial things ARE NOT FUCKING IMPORTANT!!!! Am I the only one that sees that? Really? Isn't there ANYONE with a god damned vagina out there who agrees with me? The things that should matter in a relationship are things that you love about the person you're with! Not what fucking job he has or what car he drives or how much alcohol his body can take! GOOD GOD! Everyone is just fucking fucked!

Also, have you tried talking to women online? THEY'RE FUCKING INSANE!!!! If you aren't covered in tattoos and piercings you're not interesting. Like at all! Oh and let's not forget, to even have a chance of speaking with them, your FUCKING DICK has to be AT LEAST 30 centimeters long! I mean, who the fuck do they think they are? Some god-like creature that can set insane standards for themselves?! Stupid shallow fucking bitches! ALL OF THEM!!

I've said it before and I'll probably say it again: I loved these women like they've never been, or ever will be, loved.

Where does that ge me? FUCKING NOWHERE! Maybe I'm just too old fashioned or something, I don't know. I guess this world wasn't made for lovers. Because love, in the most sincere and true meaning of the word, doesn't fucking exist.

Maybe I should just become the fucking douchebag all the bitches want me to be?


Peace out! I fucking hate you all!

In the summertime, when the weather is fine.

So, since I last wrote anything in this blog of mine, summer has come and almost gone already. And for me, this summer has been a great one. I've been up to all sorts of shenanigans, I've played some games, spent a couple of weeks at my girlfriends house, gotten myself pet rats and.. Well that's pretty much it.

So yeah, I spent about 3 weeks at my girlfriends house with her and her family. It was awesome! She lives in Gävle, which is now the most northern point in Sweden that I've ever been. I felt a bit like Sam in The Fellowship of The Ring when he's just setting out on his journey with Frodo. "If I take one more step, it'll be the farthest away from home I've ever been". Which isn't quite true for me, since I've been to France, which is much further away than Gävle. But if we're strictly talking within the confines of Sweden, it's very true. So that's awesome! Anyway, those three weeks turned out great. I got along really well with her family and all of their pets, which includes four dogs and... I don't remember how many, but a lot of pet rats :D. At first I didn't think I'd be able to handle it as well as I did, since I have "issues" when it comes to travelling long distances and being away from home. But it worked out fantastically, the trip went perfect, I didn't panic about not being close to home and yeah, I got along really well with everyone. And even though we didn't particularly do anything while I was there, I had a really good time. I guess that goes to show that if you're with someone you love, it doesn't really matter what you do, as long as you're together. Other than that, it was also nice to be able to see another part of Sweden.

Oh, right! While we were up there in Gävle, I actually saw my first movie in 3D, which was cool and all. But with all the hype that's been on the media about 3D, I honeslt expected more than what it was. I mean, sure, cool effects and all, but I could have been just as happy about seeing the movie in regular old ass 2D. The movie we saw was The Amazing Spider-Man, which wasn't quite as amazing as the title would suggest, but it was alright.

That wasn't the only place where I was with my girlfriend though, as before we took the trip up to Gävle, she spent about three weeks with me at my place, and after Gävle, she came down with me for another two weeks. So I've pretty much spent the entire summer with her, which is just awesome!

When she came with me back home again, we also brought two of her pet rats with us and they are now settled in with me. They really seem to like their new home and the much calmer environment. Even if they constantly argue with eachother about who's the boss. From what I've heard, though, that's just what rats do. It's a constant struggle for dominance between them, but at least they aren't doing it to hurt eachother, so it's a fairly normal thing for rats to do. Furthermore, I really like having pets, even if they aren't a cat which I had my mind set on. My rats are just so damned cute that it doesn't matter.


Other than all that, I've listened to a lot of vinyl records that my dad gave me, bought some new ones and some old ones to add to my collection. And you know, I really can't go back to mp3's now. I mean sure, I can listen to mp3's if I have to, but if I have the option I'll just buy the album vinyl. Why? Because as I've written in a previous post, the quality is just... Fantastic! It's like night and day in comparison. Even CD's doesn't even come close to the quality to that of a vinyl record. Not only that, but listening to an album on vinyl really does have a certain feel about it. It's like you're kind of forced to really listen to what you're hearing. Well, you're not forced, but I guess what I'm saying is that you can't just skip songs. And that's something you should never do when listening to an album you haven't heard before. You can miss so much of what the band/artists are actually trying to say through their music.

Speaking of which, I've ordered the new Gojira album, which is just... An amazing album. I highly recommend that you all listen to it. It has been a long time since music made me feel the way I do when I listen to it.

I've also spent a lot of time with one of.. Well the only close friend I really have, and that's always awesome. I'm happy that he and his girlfriend, which I also consider my friend are in my life. As there are few (none) people that I'd rather spend time with.

On a more weird and , sadder note as regards to friends. One of my older friends with whom I don't spend much time with anymore, has seemingly begun to dislike having me around. Which is just... Weird, and sad. Because even if I don't spend a lot of time with him anymore, I've always considered him as a close friend, since we've known eachother since first grade. Lately though, it's as he doesn't want anything to do with me, which actually hurts me a lot. I don't know where that came from or what it's about. Hopefully it'll change and we might get a chance to talk about it, but as it is now, it's just... weird. I hope it turns out for the better though, because I really don't want to lose him as a friend.


Right then! Games! To be honest, I really haven't played all that much during the summer. I guess it's a combination of there simply not being anything of interest out during the summer and me spending a lot of time with my girlfriend. Although I did buy and play The Amazing Spider-Man while I was in Gävle, and just as it's move counterpart, it's not as amazing as the title would suggest. It was fun though, and it had a lot in common with the last Spider-Man game I played, Spider-Man 2 for the Xbox. Just swinging around the city is surprisingly fun in both.

Other than that, I've recently started playing Persona 4 for the PS2 (even though I'm playing on my PS3) and that game is... Weird. I like it though, as I'm still playing it. It's like a mix of traditional JRPG's and a social sim, which makes for an odd combination, but as I said, it's really fun. Also, the games reaks of Japan, which is always funny in it's own odd way.




I guess that's it for this time. I've had a great summer, and I feel like I've grown as a person during it.

Oh and if you're wondering about the title, It's from an old song which I'm guessing everyone has heard, In The Summertime by Mungo Jerry. But more importantly, I chose that because of an awesome cover that Todd Hansen recently did. Even if it isn't the same song, that song reminded me of the song I'm referencing in my title. It's weird, I know, but there you go. That, and it's true. The weather is fine in the summertime :D.


Til next time, peace!

So, it's been a while. Again.

Since the last time I wrote here, there's been a lot going on in my life. Kind of. The reason for this abscense is mainly due to me not having dealt with the breakup of me and my ex girlfriend. Even though I said I was over, I wasn't. I just didn't feel like writing anything, because anything I could write about has already been written. With that said, now I really am over her. I am over her, but not it, because I'm still really hurt by the way she treated me. And I still really miss her kids sometimes. Though from what I hear, they're all doing great, so I'm happy for them. And I'm happy with my own life and myself as well.

So what I have been up to? Well, the usual I guess, playing games, sitting around, studying math and hanging with friends. On top of that, a while ago I was introduced to a group of people on Skype through a friend of mine. For a while, this group of people were really awesome, and I looked forward to talking to them every day, which we did. We all worked really good together and it was fun. Not too long after that, everything started going to shit, and I guess partly due to me doing what I did.

Among this little group, there was one person who I got a strange attraction to. We got along really well and had an easy time talking about pretty much anything, which we did. This lead to us feeling really comfortable with each other and joking about stuff. One thing we used to joke about was how we could have sex and kiss and how much we loved each other and such. But because I was in a relationship with the person who introduced me to the group, it was questioned by another certain person in the group. To which I answered something along the lines of "Well, what she doesn't know won't hurt her". This, at the time, was of course all jokes. But it sure as hell was not appreciated by my then girlfriend. Which I fully understand, and I shouldn't have acted the way I did, even if it were all jokes and fun.

During this time I was together with the friend who introduced me to the group on Skype. Me and her had been seeing each other occaisonally for a while and we decided to be a couple. A decision that was poorly made on both our parts, I think. Sure, I had feelings for her, but I guess they weren't what I thought they were. Only about two or three weeks into that relationship, we talked about it and came to the conclusion that we weren't actually in love with each other and decided to end it. This was true for me the whole time, but I'm not sure it was for her. I wouldn't even count it as a real relationship, because it sure didn't feel like it.

After all of that, me and the person whom I connected really well with got much closer. We started talking on Skype in private, away from the group. And this in turn led to jealousy (I think) from the person who I referred to as "this certain person". A while after that, me and Johanna (the one I got close to) decided that we would meet in real life. So, upon learning this, the jealous person and my I guess ex-girlfriend (even though I don't count her as one) started conspiring against both me and Johanna. They actively tried to ruin our relationship, going behind our backs and more or less making stuff up about me to scare Johanna off from meeting me.

Anyway, all of this has lead to me not talking to either my friend, nor the group on Skype. What I have walked with though, is a new love. In case it wasn't blatantly obvious, it's Johanna, who is now my girlfriend. And the main reason for me feeling generally happy again.

So, while it sucks that some people are so selfish that they want to ruin other peoples' lives, I really don't want anything to do with people that are like that. Still, it's a shame things turned out the way they did. But I'm happy, I've met someone I've fallen in love with, and someone that loves being with me as much as I love being with her. So in the end, it's all good.

Until next time, have a good one!

By the Swedes, for the Swedes.

So I just finished playing through The Darkness again. I haven't touched it since I finished it the last time, which was back in 2007 when it was released. I still think it's a fantastic and heavily underappreciated game.

Anyway, since the game is made by Starbreeze Studios, a swedish developer, there is a lot of grafitti and lettering spread about the game that is in swedish. So while playing through it this time, I acitvely looked for swedish words around the world. This is what I found.

"HATA ALLA!" Or "Hate everyone!".

"AIK", A swedish soccer team.

Hard to make out, but it says "Katt", which means "Cat".

"TANT", a word used in swedish for "old lady".

"SLAKT". Which means "Slaughter".

Not really swedish words, but at least it's swedish something. It says "Swedish Smorgasbord take-out" :D.

"Herr. A". Which is pretty much "Mr. A".

Not really a swedish word either, but "øl" is Danish for "Beer".

"Bjorn", almost "Björn", which means "Bear".

"STATY!", meaning "Statue!". And "FRITÖS?", meaning "Fryer?".

Advertisement for some band called "POLIS BATONG", which means "Police baton".

"STHLM". And Abbreviation for "Stockholm".

"ruttengubbe", basically meaning something along the lines of "rotten old man".

Not really a word, but a name. "Krille P". "Krille" is a common nickname for someone named "Kristian".

An english and a swedish word. "FOLK", meaning "People".
 

"GULDTAND", meaning "Gold tooth".

"LÅST", meaning "Locked".

"RUMPA", meaning "Ass". As in, someone's ass, not someone being an ass.

"Skurk!", basically meaning "Thief", "Bad guy" or "Villain".

I don't think this is an actual word, but it says "Läskväska" which would mean something like "Soda bag".

"Hårdrock", meaning "Hard rock". As in music, not an actual rock.

A picture of a bear with the word "Björn", meaning "Bear".

"KULT", meaning "Cult". Or it could mean that something has had a cultural impact on society.

"BÄVER", meaning "Beaver".

I'm sure there are more, but these are the ones that I could find. It was fun looking for all of them, because none of it makes any darned sense :P.